"too blind to see" -
the wonder of the moments
when i reflect,
to see the pain inflicted
through my introspect,
i wonder how we hurt each other
every time we speak,
from that which was the gifted truth of
what it was we seek,
and yes, its sad that each of us
desire to just hurt,
toward the other quickly with a word
that cuts to dirt,
we say, "oh this and that to you"
because its what so aches,
and neither of the pride inside
can break down all our quakes,
so run away to distant lands
and hope it starts anew,
and rationale and thinking through
say this just wasn't true,
ironic is the thing that has
just shown itself to shame,
that what is known inside of us
leaves just ourselves to blame,
that wanting it in quiet hope
for years that have all passed,
and throwing off the things we know
cuz well, it couldn't last,
still when it's all just said and done
will You see us restored?
or was this just to find ourselves
just stripped of the reward,
so now we hurt and medicate
with what it is we know,
and hurt ourselves so spiritually
by what we choose to sow,
for ego, pride, and anger rage,
in every broken trust,
to think we purge it from our hearts
with brutal self disgust,
but later still, we feel again
the thing that we have lost,
too proud to bend and cry as one
and rework all the cost,
its sad that pride is why it is
that we can't stand so strong,
toward some hopeful distant thing
which was our morning song,
so sure, lets say it wasn't real
and hold our heads up high,
cuz to ourselves in everything
we've learned to proper lie,
as what we have is gone for good,
and dreams have washed away,
cuz we're too proud to face again
and risk another day,
In this God i will thank you much
that You do so forgive,
and live with arms wide open
cuz its by You that we live,
for her? well rage is faster just
with claiming this and that,
instead of leave the reasons why
to stand formed just stand pat,
its odd that this which tasted us
was easily destroyed,
that filling up our hearts with lime
can't quench the empty void,
so drink, and sex, and drugs for us,
to help us carry on,
with empty aches that trap through pride
forever of this gone,
So now i wonder in
the quiet moments of the heart,
Does it still hurt for you as well,
are you still torn apart?
For me, well it is sad indeed
that we're so much alike,
And hurt each other faster
to enable us to hike,
Now in a perfect world of what
we both know is right here,
we'd hold each other firmly
trying trust throughout this fear,
Of course eutopia is not on this
blue ball where we do live,
So opening it just once again
is more than we can give.
So Lord I ask that you indeed
forgive us both this thing,
And over time restore to us
rememberance - one wing,
For I have one wing, as does she
toward a full embrace,
Remembered in the future of
this moments last disgrace.
James Mendham 10:57am May 06, 2005
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 11:04 PM |
"memories and history" -
I see your face in every pond
and bluest sky,
Your purest gleam by voices coo
on e'ry sparrows sigh,
With tears of joy through splendored
rainbows kiss,
I miss your mischief starlit
twinkled bliss,
The whispers of your name by breeze
through prairie wheat,
Caressing kisses form my face by
summer's gentle heat.
Quietly expressed by me this very way.
Each hidden sense of you for e'ry day.
JM 2004-Dec-09 2:02 am
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 10:41 PM |
"the promise" -
As every evenings
sunset parts with winking,
I rest my daily
remeniscent thinking,
Of days gone by
those memories past musing,
To ponder chapters past
receiving for the losing,
So now I live in focused
constant present,
The morrow promises
a dawning evervescent,
Toward the promise
open heart desired,
So calmly forthright
waiting not aspired,
Since borrowed is the moment
quick to come,
Past all I have endured
yet not succumb.
JM 2003 - Oct - 21
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 10:21 PM |
"regrafted rib" -
i have never known this kind of love,
which waited all my life to try,
now here you are beside me full,
thus granting me a grateful sigh,
i've wondered all my life if you were real,
so awe struck toward you,
since everything from this day forward
shines with sunlight new,
for everytime i think a thing will come
to ruin all i've tasted,
you stand and show that enemies
in all their efforts wasted,
for you have shown a greater faith
than i inside your heart,
has grown in me a seed which i
had once just at the start,
and so you see my precious jewel
in what you are to me?
restoring all the things inside
that i've forgotten how to be.
so even though i'll fight and deal
with everything the lord requires,
the strength in you which shows itself
has all my hearts desires.
(...i wonder whom you are?)
JM April 29th 2005
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 10:16 PM |
"she" -
She will be free in her heart,
She will know no obstacles,
She will see her life as temporal,
She will follow Truth faithfully without doubt or question,
She will praise God when she's tried,
She will never rebel to rebel - only against what taints truth.
She knows she is spirit,
She believes every word He says,
She will never look with her eyes, because He is invisible,
She will never be trapped by other creations, because they're visible,
She will never consider me her source - because I'm created,
She will pray for me when I stumble,
She knows I pray for her,
She knows He can change my heart,
She knows her heart is changing,
She trusts in me because she trusts in Him,
She believes in His power so
She believes in me
His word is her opinion,
He is why she exists,
She will see Him inside me,
And see me as He sees me,
She will share Him inside her,
She will have no memory of what He has forgiven,
She will forgive because He did for her also,
no person, place, event, circumstance, opinion, information,
perception, doubt, fear or understanding from anyone
will sway what she has tasted through me, because she knows
He gave it to her to taste!
she is a spirit - waiting to transform,
she knows me, because she knows Him,
she loves me, because she loves Him,
what she tastes in her heart and knows, cannot be stained,
and she will smile when mocked and threatened.
having mercy and compassion
and when she reaches for me in spirit,
she will know that I am reaching toward her.
because He formed us - male and female He created us.
J.M. fri, oct, 17th, 2003
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 10:14 PM |
"Pure Love Explained" -
conceptualize what I'm beginning,
to realize evasive purity of love.
Yet not at all impossible discovery,
since tasted her indeed, the blessed scent
and sweet - its holy nectar
You see, the thing to do for actuation,
is hold on to the dream from incubation.
and search not ever for it to appear,
but trust in faith its always very near.
However first to recognize it,
alert indeed you must to soulful pit.
since in yourself to first a bloom
to fit the one you've spaced the room.
okay before i run along to far ahead,
elaborate i will for you instead.
it starts the first time you long toward,
that distant quiet hope for a reward.
now stop and quiet think for just a moment,
the first time you endured that painful torment.
extrapilate the joy of newness,
electrically dispersed by first caress.
now hold on tight to this as we continue,
to build toward indeed the fullest true.
now take the dreams from torn exasperation,
toward each refined honing expectation.
and then again another comes along,
which we of course believe we should belong.
but wait, no this again is circular result,
and joy and pain arrive and then depart.
so on and on each new one brings us twitters,
to hold on tight to faith, or suffer bitters.
remember how i said to hold the warmest feeling?
this is how you define what keeps you reeling.
the warm inside of you that is refined,
will clearly outline all you have defined.
(Now caution must i now alert for warn,
the window of this love is slimly shown.
to choose not listen to its quiet calling,
do not be caught when daily winds start blowing.
because you'll never know its past you by
until too late you'll wish it as you cry.
remember that in strength and trust to be,
to truly hold this loosely and stay free.
since every evil thing will suddenly appear,
since hate and fear and jealously will sneer.
destroying what you know is true two hearts,
the strength and equal balance it imparts.
as fear and doubt and past oppression,
cause to make your dreams a mass deception.
Just trust your heart, your hope, your faith,
and pray of course for guidance in this path.
because the evil hates the pure of love,
just as he hates the coming of the dove.
he'll steal and kill in every way he can,
using your past, your family and friend.
and one thing more i want to say,
keep this in your heart from day to day.
and hold on tight to it inside yourself,
since it will hold you in your wealth.
and view it as a gift from God above,
because the spirit is a guide of love.
yet if perchance you lose this precious thing,
by evil, hate or whatever else will spring.
hold tight to what you knew inside as truth,
don't let it steal you from the joy of youth.
since in this one of pure experience,
will help you stand life's constant variance.
and if you lose it (as i did for shame),
you'll know that you were never one to blame.
to keep it as a light for morrow's rent,
to keep you light and know time was well spent.
since drive you will this love for evermore,
to keep the joy inside you pure to store.
Because for me it keeps my hope in constant strength,
and adds to me a love, daily shared at length.)
Now 39 am I, and all of this I've done,
and yes I've lost too much, yet I have won!
The trip is not the poison from the yeast,
but in the having once instead at least.
because in patient faith waiting to become,
the soulmate I was made to join as one.
i knew it so completely that from just then,
i measure all the rest by her blooms stem.
not in dispair or blood out poured,
but rather yet, perfection once endured.
because just once indeed can you realize,
if truly self aware and promised wise.
No matter how the outcome has occured.
I'll love her all my life by heart and word.
as matter shown my muse she's still shown here
and write about loves truth without a fear.
So, if you still hope what i express,
do so with waiting faith, not hunting stress.
because you only service to achieve,
a multitude of pain you'll not relieve.
but wait like I for perfect to appear,
the one true piece to fit without the fear.
since when that moment will occur,
you'll know its him or know its her.
A God-like oneness which reflects the purity of union.
If you've tasted this, you'll know its not opinion.
However, for yoursake I wish it constant,
and not like I that went and lost it.
How this occured is not of value,
the taste just once is still quite true.
so if you're her and read this story,
i love you still without a worry.
For inside me you grow in beauty,
A gift from God i do know truely.
J.M. 2003 - Oct - 23
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 10:12 PM |
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